


Tried to keep you close to me (but life got in between)

by pao_2019



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Mild Language, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), spoilers 10x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23638267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pao_2019/pseuds/pao_2019
Summary: Steve left, Danny needs to figure out what to do with himself.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 12
Kudos: 185





	Tried to keep you close to me (but life got in between)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how this 9k monster happened. I'm not a writer but since I watched the finale this story stole my life and didn't let it go until I finished it.  
> To be honest this has no plot its just a collection of conversations and moments on Danny's life starting from the day Steve left him at the beach. I love Danny Williams, I just want him to be happy. I love the show because of him, this story is what I imagine for him after the finale. 
> 
> The title is from the song "Hold back the River" by James Bay  
> English is not my first language. I'm really sorry for all the mistakes you will find. 
> 
> Have a nice day you guys!!!
> 
> I don't own Hawaii 50, CBS does.

If Danny Williams is sure about something in his current state of mind is that physical therapy sucks. If he has to hear one more time his therapist voice telling him to breathe trough the fucking straw or to press the freaking ball a little bit harder he is going to punch somebody…he would prefer that somebody to be a certain Navy SEAL but hey anyone would do…you get what you get and don’t get upset, right?. 

Luckily for the therapist and the lovely staff on the PT clinic, the session is over before Danny losses his shit and decides to go all ninja on them. Who is he kidding anyway? he can’t even walk straight, throwing even a fist bump is out of the question. Being used as a punching bag for a few hours and then being shot in the chest, twice in two years, can have that amazing effect on the human body. 

After saying his goodbyes along with some not so nice words to his therapist Danny drags his mostly functional body outside the clinic to wait for his ride. He is surprised to see his ex wife’s car instead of Lou’s truck. 

The team, bless them, didn’t abandon him in his car-less, you cannot even drive time. The day after Steve left he was getting ready to call an Uber when Tani busted through the door, removed the phone from his hand, and helped him into the passenger seat of her car. When she left him at home after his 2 hrs torture session a bright and shiny calendar was hanging from the fridge door, they created a schedule and placed it there so Danny would know which one of them was going to pick him up the next day and drive him to his session. If a lonely single tear rolled through his cheek nobody was there to witness it, he was a sap, sue him. 

_Well…hello dear…_

_Daniel…I see they are still giving you the good stuff…t_ _hey got a case…a big one apparently…Lou ask_ _ed me to pick you up._

_You didn’t have to…but…mmm…thank you?_

They are friends now, he and Rachel, they are friends, for their sake and their children’s sake, and for the world’s sake, they are friends. Not “I’m going to tell you my deepest and darkest secrets friends”, but you know “I can count on you friends”, but the fact they tried to make it work at a romantic level again only to fail spectacularly makes the silence between them a little awkward. 

Eventually, they will fix it, they are not there yet, and because of that Danny is finding the little troll with electric pink hair hanging from Rachel’s rear mirror quite entertaining. 

_Could you please stop_ _playing with the_ _bloody_ _doll, if we crash into a_ _telephone_ _pole in my new car_ _because you_ _can_ _’t_ _stay still_ _, I swear I_ _will finish what those_ _kidnappers started_ _, dear_ _._

_Sorry, sorry…_ _to_ _o_ _much crap in my head right now…sorry…_

_How are you, Daniel_ _?_

_We don’t have to do that Rachel…_ _see_ _I can behave like a good boy…but_ _please_ _don’t talk, no talking is good…_

_Danny…I’m worried about you._

_Don’t be…_

_Have you heard from your Commander?_

_My Commander?...My Commander? Ohh that animal Neanderthal is not the boss of me anymore_ _,_ _but to answer your question…and only this question, no I haven’t heard from_ _Steve in_ _more than a month._

_Oh…I see_ _._

_Don’t be like that Rachel…just don’t….I’m trying to give him space…he is dealing with a lot of_ _crap right now…_ _he is getting rid of his guilt…_

_For getting you_ _kidnaped_ _and shot…_

_Wow,_ _you are unbelievable but yes_ _for that and all the other stuff…he needs to find his ground_ _, find his peace…and he is not going to do it if I keep smothering_ _him_ _every single day…_ _at this moment I’m probably part of the problem and…_

_Don’t say that, please…_

_Rachel…_

_You are not part of his problems…_ _at least not part of the problems that made him leave the island…_ _and if he thinks you are then he is_ _an idiot._

If looks could kill Rachel would be dead immediately. 

_What are you doing? Why are we pulling over?_

_Because I cannot drive and yell at you at the same time…I’m sorry I failed at multi tasking._

_Rachel, I’m tired could you please_ _, please_ _take me home…I promise you_ _, you_ _can yell at me all you want_ _from the comfort of my couch._

_No, you need to hear this and you need to hear it_ _now_ _…_ _You are the father of my_ _children_ _…I love you…and I hate to see you like this._

_I’m fine…_

_You are not fine…_ _stop lying to me._

_Rachel…_

_Steve left_ _two months_ _ago_ _,_ _and you are still living in his house._

_I…I sublet my house…_

_I know you moron, I know…_

_Steve needed me…_ _first Joe then his mom..._ _he was_ _mourning...he was grieving_ _and I_ _...I_ _wasn’t_ _at my best_ _either_ _…you know after Joana and_ _Gracie’s_ _accident and us…_

_I know…_ _But Steve is not here anymore Danny_ _,_ _I know_ _, I know_ _you believe_ _he is going to_ _come_ _back_ _to you_ _…_ _but Daniel…you are important too…he needed_ _you_ _..._ _but…you…you needed him too…and he left to find whatever he's looking_ _for and you are here trying to pick up the pieces._ _Oh, bloody hell_ _don’t give me that look_ _I know you. You can fool everybody else_ _but you cannot_ _fool_ _me I know you_ _…you_ _are not fine…I know you_ _, you_ _are missing him like crazy…_ _I bet you almost beg him to stay…_

_I…._

_I know you love him…_ _but for once…try to put yourself first ok,_ _it’s_ _all I’m asking…you need to find your peace too_ _Danny…_ _and I’m not sure you are going to find it_ _living_ _in that place...just think about it ok...Charlie and Grace...they need their father...as much as you think Steve needs his friend._

And just like that Rachel stops talking, sets the car in drive, and half an hour later Danny is at the door of his house, Steve’s house. Thank you fucking much Lou for the wonderful Rachel experience extravaganza. 

When you get shot, or stabbed or beat to a pulp on a regular basis the first lesson you learn from the pretty doctors that put you back together is that mixing pain killers with alcohol is a no, no but after his conversation with Rachel, Danny doesn’t give a damn...he is ready to get plastered. Hey, he bought the bottle of the nice whiskey for special occasions just like this one, right? right?. 

How dare she to question his sanity and his okayness...he is fine...he is completely fine. Yes his shoulder is still a lost cause and he is not going to be able to run a marathon any time soon and maybe just maybe he had a little panic attack when he found one of Steve’s Navy shirts mixed with his own laundry and perhaps more than one night he cried himself to sleep thinking about how the last thing he knows about Steve came from a lousy text message from one month ago... but he is fine...not angry or sad or confused at all...just peachy, how dare her. 

So, he drinks, and drinks and drinks until he can’t get up of the floor until he realizes he is in fact not fine. 

Junior must have found him, since he wakes up on the couch, with a bottle of water and his pain killers on the living room table. He takes the water, his cellphone, finds his cane and walks directly to the beach. His head is killing him, but the need to get out of the house is stronger than his headache. 

He is not fine...he is angry...angry with himself for feeling this way, for feeling needy and moody, for being petty, for wishing Steve would be sitting next to him watching sunsets on the freaking beach instead of who knows where with Cath, instead of trying to find his peace away from him...wow, where did that came from…maybe he is a shitty friend after all. 

He is angry, angry with Steve because he left him...he just left him alone and broken and without a fucking clue about what to do with himself, wow maybe Steve is a shitty friend too. 

What are his options? to stay in Hawaii with all his memories and regrets, go back to the mainland and start over at 43, go back to 5-0 to being almost killed every other day sharing his car with a new partner even crazier than Steve. Try to open a new restaurant, teach, fuck, fuck, fuck he is so lost. 

He walks until his legs can’t hold him anymore, he crashes in the sand, put his arms around his battered chest and screams until his throat feels raw and his voice is hoarse. For the first time in 10 years, Danny Williams let himself have a nervous breakdown. 

He calls Tani an hour later, she picks him up and stays quiet the whole ride. She parks the car in front of Steve’s house and hugs him, so tight he thinks his chest will start to bleed again. 

_She told him...Daiyou Mei, she told Steve that she...that she had the person he cared the most about in the world...that she had you...Danny...Danny..did you hear me the most important person in Steve’s world...is you...please never forget that...no matter what never forget that._

_Tani..._

_He loves you...he loves you as much as you love him...always remember that...always, he is going to come back to you...he will..._

_Babe..._

_Please...I get It, I get it, you need to heal too...you need to come back to us too. Whatever you need to do to be ok, to find your own peace we are here to help you...because we love you...because we are Ohana...because we need you. You are the strongest, bravest person I know Danny...if you want probe...well ten years of dealing with McGarrett should be more than enough..._

_Tani..._

_I love you...I just want you to be happy..._

_I love you too kiddo. Now could you please let me go...I kinda need to breathe._

_Sorry...sorry...Oh...oh...I almost forgot...I have a present for you._

_A present...wow...I feel important._

_You are important…but don’t get too excited...its jus an old trinket._ It was an old camera, professional with all the tiny buttons and lenses. _I saw it in the thrift store is not the newest model, but the clerk told me it still works._

_Tani...why on earth would I want a camera, I don’t even know how to text with my damn phone._

_I just thought that maybe you can use it as a distraction, I know you are an observant guy, and I know you like to write what happens in your day...maybe when you are feeling better you can start collecting good memories, images to go along with your words...saving them forever...I don’t know...you know what forget it; it was stupid I’m sorry._

_No, no, no thank you...really...it's a lovely gift, I love it...You are a good friend Tani... thank you._

_We love you…me…Junes…Lou…we love you…you are our boy…we are here…for you…_

_I know kid, I know._

Danny is so tired, the stairs to his bedroom, Steve’s bedroom, look like Mount Everest so he decides the couch would do. He lays in there looking at the ceiling, petting Eddie’s head and thinking about his stupid feelings and about Tani’s words. He was the person Steve cares the most in the world, yet he left without him, what a mess. 

It's true, he almost begged Steve to stay, heck his last “I love you” was more a “please don’t leave me” than anything else but at the end, he didn’t actually beg, deep down he knew, he knows, his best friend had to leave, why? because McGarrett is and always will be a self-sacrificing idiot who probably thinks after what happen to “his Danno” (wow Steve actually said that) it would be better to stay away from him for Danny’s own protection. Because Steve needs to learn how to live in a world without guns, violence, lies, and deception, how to trust again, how to wake up after 6 am, how to live without having to leave grenades at the car’s glove box. Danny understands, he does but it still hurts like a kick in well you know where and if he hates Steve a little because of it he is in his own right to be selfish. 

Danny knows he loves Steve, possibly more than he should, but he does. He also knows that in order to keep loving him he needs to find “his peace” too. Steve had left him before, this is barely the first time, however, this time feels different, feels more definitive, it scares the shit out of him because Danny is not sure if he is strong enough to run after his friend this time, he is not even sure if he wants to. 

He takes some consolation on knowing that at least the moron is not alone, Catherine’s presence will keep Steve out of trouble for a while, searching for peace or not the man is a trouble magnet, Danny can bet his beloved Camaro (rest in peace) that at some point something would go down in flames thanks to Steve. 

Steve sends him another text that night, he is ok, having fun, enjoying Cath’s company, learning how to be a civilian after all those years. Danny is happy for him; he really is but he can’t find the strength to answer the text. When Steve calls a few hours later he lets it go to voice mail. 

Danny finishes his last round of PT by the end of the summer, 4 months after Steve’s departure. They haven’t talked or text since the day of his breakdown. Danny thinks is for the best, he is not ready to face Steve with his fucking feelings all over the place. He is supposed to go back to 5-0 two weeks after finishing therapy. The governor receives his request for another month of time off the same day of his last appointment. He needs to clear his head, find some perspective, make some decisions, be sure he is not broken beyond repair. Two days later he is on a plane to Jersey. 

His Mom and Pops are waiting for him at the airport. Seeing his Mom’s smile and hearing his Dad’s laugh, hugging them, is how pure happiness feels. God, he missed them so, so much, he thinks his heart will explode from all the love he is feeling for them. 

Clara makes his Nona’s lasagna, Stella and Bridget drive all the way to Hoboken to have a family dinner. They drink, they laugh, they cry and laugh again, and Danny feels he is finally able to breathe…take that PT. 

Tani’s old camera makes the trip with him, if he is honest, they become best friends from day one. He never saw himself as someone sensitive enough to found happiness on pictures, but Tani was right, taking pictures was like saving memories, and oh boy with everything going on in his life, capturing those tiny moments is exactly what he needs. 

He takes a lot of pictures that day. His nieces and nephews running and playing in the backyard, his dad holding his mom like a couple of teenagers, so in love and happy of being on each other arms. Stella with a glass of wine laughing like crazy, Bridget washing the dishes just enjoying life. All the little memories he wants to preserve forever. 

Steve sends him a text that day, the first since his horrible breakdown at the beach, he hears the alert right before going to bed. He has no intention to open it, but he had such a good day, he is happy, nothing Steve could say is going to change that. It was a selfie of Steve drinking a beer at some bar somewhere. Danny doesn’t even try searching the location he just sends him a picture of his Mama’s lasagna and turns off his phone, Steve would get the message. 

Danny loves his parents’ garden, its big, with colorful flowers and trees, his dad keeps the grass trimmed and green, it always smells like dawn and pinecones. He is sitting on the grass enjoying the view and the cold breeze when he senses his mother's presence, she is holding a plate of chicken parmigiana, his favorite. 

_You need to eat_ _honey_ _…_

_I’m not hungry Mom…_

_You are to_ _o_ _skinny_ _baby..._ _I miss your_ _chubby_ _cheeks…_

_It's_ _called working out_ _Ma_ _…_

_It’s_ _called being shot Daniel…_

_Mom…_

_Steve called me…_

_Of course, he did…_

_He_ _told me we almost lost you…_

_You didn’t_ _…I’m fine…_

_Are you?_

_What is this_ _Guantanamo_ _?… I_ _feel like one_ _of my suspects_ _. I’m_ _fine Ma...I just need some time for myself…I missed you guys…_

_Daniel…_ _my baby boy…_ _always the stubborn one…_ _stop being an idiot and tell me_ _what’s happening_ _on_ _that head of yours…_

_Ma…_

_You told me I didn’t lose you but I kinda feel that you lost yourself…_ _Am I wrong?_

_What kind of witch are you woman?_

_Not a witch just your Mama…now spill, let it out Daniel, let it out…_

_I just…I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore Ma._

_Baby…_

_I left my life_ _here to follow Gracie to_ _a place I hated…I_ _lost you guys but I f_ _ound_ _myself a_ _nother_ _family_ _and_ _my own Navy SEAL_ _…and suddenly all my life, all my decisions were made around him and now that he is gone…I don’t know what to do_ _anymore_ _._ _Hawaii became my home because_ _Steve_ _made sure_ _of it…and now he is not there and_ _I_ _don’t know if I want to stay or leave_ _,_ _I don’t even know if I want to be a cop anymore._

_Sweetheart…_

_I know is stupid I’m a grown man and Steve owes me nothing_ _…but the last couple of years were hard for me too…_ _I got shot twice, almost lost Gracie, I_ _saw a woman_ _I cared about_ _die_ _in front_ _of_ _my eyes, but I was ok because he was there, my best friend was there…but now he is gone and I’m all alone…Jesus,_ _you_ _must think I’m pathetic._ _What is the matter with me?_

_Baby…_ _no, you are not_ _pathetic..._ _you_ _…you_ _just need_ _to find_ _your way again my love. It’s ok to feel lost_ _, it’s ok to feel_ _like you got_ _screwed_

_Ma…language…_

_But remember that_ _all the thing_ _s_ _you have done_ _you did them_ _because_ _your hearth has always been in the right place_ _honey._

_Mo_ _m…_

_Go big or go home, remember._ _You love with all you got_ _,_ _or you don’t love at all_ _. You_ _chose to love Steve, don’t question your_ _decisions now_ _just because you feel he left you_ _behind_ _. He is not cut with the same cloth as us. He_ _is lost too darling and while I’m sure you are going to find your path through love_ _and family_ _, he needs to find it in a different way_ _._ _When he_ _realizes_ _how much he is loved_ _and that is ok to be loved, he is going to come back to you._

_Why everybody_ _keeps_ _saying_ _he is going to come back to me, I’m not his owner_ _or whatever._

_Oh baby if you have to ask me that then_ _you_ _are more loss than I thought…eat your_ _parm_ _, I’m not kidding about the chubby cheeks…uh and we need to do something about that hair cut…first the muscle car and now the_ _hair…what are you trying to overcompensate honey…_

_M_ _aaa_ _…_

_I love you Daniel_

_I love you to_ _Mom…thank you…_

_You know we are here, we would always be here for you, if you decide to come back we will support you 100%, but promise me you are going to think_ _about your_ _decision_ _carefully, you might love Hawaii more than you_ _think._

Pizza is still as good as he remembers it, sauce and mozz in the most delicious bread. He visits his old precinct and catches up with old friends. He is halfway into his fifth 5-0 story, this time he has them mesmerize with the story of Steve, Joey, and the infamous shark cage, when it hits him, how much better his life has been thanks to Steve, thanks to 5-0. 

He goes to his favorite cop's bar and drinks way too many shots in honor of Grace Tilwell and his borrowed time. His dad joins him a few hours later. When his mom finds them almost at dawn they are completely drunk singing “Livin’ on a prayer” like there is no tomorrow. 

One night during his second week in Jersey he is watching “Housewives of who the fuck cares” with his mom when his phone chimes, it’s a WhatsApp message from an unknown number, it only says two words “knock, knock”. As soon as he reads it the doorbell rings, by instinct he tells his Ma to go upstairs, he grabs one of his father’s baseball bats from the closet and carefully approaches the door to look through the peephole. It’s impossible for him to hide his surprise when instead of seeing the face of a serial killer he sees Kono’s beautiful and lovely face grinning at him, dimples and all. 

_What the_ _hell_ _Kalakaua…_ _I hate you, I hate you so_ _, so_ _much…I swear_ _you…you…_ _just took 7 years of my life…you missy spent_ _way_ _too much time with McGarrett._ _I’m too old for this crap…too old._

_Awww_ _I miss_ _ed_ _you to brah…_

_Four_ _years,_ _four_ _years..._ _I haven't seen_ _you in_ _four years..._ _come her_ _e_ _, come here_ _woman, give_ _me_ _a hug…wow did you get taller…don’t you even dare_ _to say that_ _I shrunk_ _._

_I see_ _somebody lost some weight,_ _I guess Gracie finally_ _help you to overcome_ _your addiction to sweets_ _brother._

_For the love of…_ _What’s_ _up_ _with you people and my weight._ _I like to work out, sue me._

_Chill brah,_ _I’m_ _kidding,_ _I’m_ _kidding. You_ _look neat. I_ _’m digging the_ _new hair_ _too_ _…very_ _gangsta_ _of you._

_Hahaha…my monkey thinks it makes me look younger_ _…_

_Steve_ _hated_ _it_ _,_ _right_ _?_

_So_ _, so much…best haircut of my life._

_Come on, grab your jacket_ _we are leaving._

_Kono, it’s 11 pm._

_What are you_ _,_ _five?_

_It happens that I was doing very important and critical stuff before you_ _came, I cannot leave in the middle of the night…_

_Danny…brah…you were watching reality_ _shows with your mother…_

_Ok, ok we are leaving…out…out…out. Ma I’m going out_ _with Kono, don’t wait up._

_I love you Daniel…_ _don’t forget your allergies medicine you know how_ _much the cold air affects your…_

_Bye, Ma I_ _Love you too_ _…_

_So, you get me out of the house, now what, where are we going._

_Brooklyn..._

_Brooklyn...Manhattan is closer you know..._

_Yeah...but we need to be in Brooklyn by one am..._

_Why?_

_Because I need to relieve my team..._

_Your team...what...what...are you working...you...you are working right now..._

_Well...yes...duh..._

_Kono...come on woman, let me out. I can take an Uber...let me out._

_My partner had a family emergency, he couldn't make it tonight, I need a new partner_ _and you are the best cop_ _I know_ _,_ _this is_ _the_ _perfect opportunity_ _to see you before you skip town._ _We can even talk while we wait outside the_ _warehouse_ _, see perfect._

_You are crazy._

_But you are coming with me, right?_

_Oh, the things I do for love..._

They arrive at the bodega with no time to spare, Kono parks the car behind an old mustang and signals her team to leave, she would take it from there. Kono suspects the bodega is the command center for a human trafficking operation involving a Chinese gang. She is been working on the case for almost five months and this is their first solid lead in almost two. They wait in silence for the first hour of their shift and suddenly out of nowhere Kono gives him a thermos with coffee and some donuts. 

_See Danny this is fun, you and me on a stakeout, just like old times..._

_Super fun, you have no idea._

_Hey brah...how is he?_

Danny thinks she is talking about Steve; he is about to answer her with some snarky remark when he figures it out that she is asking about Adam. 

_He is fine...he is ok...hanging in there. He did a lot of stupid things this past year._

_I’ve never meant to hurt him._

_I know babe, but you did. Was it worth it though?_

_Yes, yes it was. Adam and I; we weren't meant to be, we loved each other, but we were from two different worlds, we tried, I tried but_ _it was too much. It’s better this way._

_I love you Kono, if this makes you happy then I’m happy._

_Steve is not me you know._

_What?_

_He is not me, he is not_ _leaving you behind,_ _he is trying to find out how to be the person he wants to be, for you and for him._

_I’m not so sure about that babe._ _He called you, didn’t he_ _?_

_Mmm you_ _weren’t answering his calls, you know how the boss gets_ _when he_ _can’t_ _control what you are doing_ _24-7_

_He left_ _;_ _he lost his_ _rights over my life like 3 months ago. Fuck him and his control issues._

_Danny…_

_I’m ok, I’m ok. I don’t even know_ _where the animal_ _is_ _and he still manages to piss me off._

_Danny_ _,_ _he called me…he_ _found out I was in New York and he called me, he asked me to check on you._

_He didn’t have to_ _;_ _I can take care of myself…_

_Yeah like you did when you got yourself kidnap_ _ped_ _…_

_Hey…_ _that’s_ _playing dirty…plus I save_ _d_ _myself I just run out of luck almost at the end…_

_He is worried about you…_

_I know_ _he worries_ _because he is a_ _control freak…and a schmuck_ _and_ _I know, I know_ _…he is_ _terrified that something_ _would happen_ _to me when he is not_ _here, by my side, driving me crazy_ _…_ _and I know…I know because I feel the same_ _way, I’m terrified too._

 _Danny…_ _He is going to go back…he is going_ _to…_

_If you say that he is going to come back to me, I’m gonna punch_ _you_ _…I swear I don’t care you are_ _a_ _lady I will punch you…_

_In your dreams brah_ _._

_I hate you._

_You love me._ _Hey_ _, Danny_ _can I tell you a story?_ _  
_

_Go ahead doll, if the options are hearing your beautiful voice or listen to this cheesy radio station, I chose your voice, hands down._

_What a gentleman. Let me think, if I remember correctly I had my first_ _heartbreak_ _when I was twelve, my first boyfriend broke up with me and I was devastated_ _._ _I was crying a river in my room when my mother came in_ _, she_ _hugged_ _me and suddenly she began_ _telling me_ _a story, it was_ _this legend called the red string of fate_ _or something like that_ _. According to the_ _Japanese_ _folklore, all of us_ _have this little red string connecting our heart with our pinky finger_ _the tricky part is that_ _this thread does not end at our finger_ _like we would_ _have_ _thought,_ _it goes and goes and it ends at the heart of our soulmate. So_ _,_ _in the_ _end,_ _we are bound to this person who_ _will mean the world to us by this string forever. Maybe it will_ _take_ _us years to find the other tip but eventually, we will find it because is fate._

_Kono._

_I never believe in_ _the_ _story_ _or in destiny_ _until_ _you told me the way_ _you and Steve_ _met._ _I thought_ _Adam was the end of my string,_ _he wasn’t_ _,_ _but I’m sure Steve is yours. No matter what happens Danny, you_ _are_ _bound_ _forever_ _, this thing between you_ _guys_ _goes beyond friendship or brotherhood,_ _its fate, it is destiny_ _._ _Please don’t_ _give up on each other._

Danny doesn’t know how to address Kono’s words, more thoughts, more feelings to add to the pile, destiny, fate, soulmates? What is he supposed to do with all of that? He was ready to say something stupid to Kono when they detect movement at the warehouse. Kono handles Danny her spare weapon, a safety vest and they go into action. The odds are two to six, just another typical day at the office. Fifteen minutes later, two full mags each, three perps down and one Kono almost killed, they get all the evidence needed to crack the case. 

_You save_ _d_ _my life._

_You can_ _thank me later by not inviting me again to any of your stakeouts._

_Admit_ _it,_ _Danny, you loved it._ _You love this job as much as you love Steve._

_That is debatable._

_Your love for the job?_

_My love for Steve_ _._

Kono drops Danny off the next morning. They say their goodbyes with promises of seeing each other again very soon. He takes her picture because he loves her, and he doesn’t want to start missing her again. 

_You should call him_

_You are right_ _I_ _should call him…_

_J_ _ust don’t tell him what happen today_ _,_ _or he will kill me._

Danny leaves Jersey two days after Kono’s little visit. His next stop is California, it’s been a while since the last time he saw his Monkey. She is as excited as he is with the visit. He arrives in San Francisco on a Friday morning, since Grace is not going to be able to join him until dinner, he decides to pay a surprise visit to Chin. 

He finds Chin at his precinct; Abby is with him. His friends look good, happy. They invite him to their apartment for lunch. Danny meets Peter their new baby boy, he is only five months old and he looks just like Chin. They talk about their task force, about Sara, Gracie, and Charlie. When Abby asks him about Steve he doesn’t know what to tell her. Chin calls him an idiot for not wanting to take the leadership of 5-0. 

_I only know one other haole besides McGarrett, brave enough and crazy enough to take care of my people, I’m looking at him right now._

He leaves Chin and Abby’s home around five, he is going to meet Gracie at seven at her favorite restaurant in the city, so he has some time to kill. 

He goes to the Golden Gate bridge because he is a tourist, so what better place to clear your mind than a tourist trap. The view is amazing, he snaps some good pictures of the bay while he thinks about Steve, and destiny and fate. Maybe it is true what Kono said, maybe his life is linked to Steve’s forever and is nothing he can do about it. Again what a mess. 

Grace is already waiting for him when he arrives at the restaurant. His daughter looks gorgeous in a red dress and white sneakers. He cries as soon as she hugs him. 

_I love you Danno…_

_Oh Monkey Danno loves you more baby, Danno loves you more._

They talk about school and boys, about Charlie’s new antics, and about Grace’s favorite places in the city. They don’t talk about Danny’s near to dead experience or about Uncle Steve. 

When they finish with dinner, Grace decides to take her father for ice cream, the parlor is a few miles away from the restaurant, so they walk, linking arms, enjoying the company. 

_Danno..._

_Monkey..._

_I’ve never thanked you..._

_What?_

_Fo_ _r_ _follow_ _ing_ _me to Hawaii..._ _I never said_ _thank you f_ _or that_ _..._

_Oh baby..._ _you have nothing to thank me for. I’m your dad you are the most important person in my life, I would follow you to the moon if necessary._

_You are my hero Dad. I’m so proud of you_ _Danno_ _. Everything I do_ _in_ _my life I do it thinking about you, trying to live up to your example._

_Oh Monkey, don’t, don’t_ _do that._

_Why not? you are an amazing cop, you fight for the good guys, you show me what loyalty means, what family_ _means._ _You teach me to fight with all I have for the people I love._

_Grace._

_You are my example, you will always be my example, live with_ _it_ _Dad._

 _I blame your mother for the attitude._

_Can I ask you a question?_

_Sure baby, shoot._

_Are you mad with Uncle Steve?_

_Uh?_

_You heard me. Are you mad at him? It's ok if you are. I don’t blame you. I think I am._

_Monkey..._

_He left you, you were hurting, and he left you._

_I was fine Grace; your old man is stronger than he looks baby._

_He promised me, he promised me he was going to take care of you._

_Gracie._

_You stayed in Hawaii because of him, he was supposed to be your person, how can I stay here knowing he is not going to be there for you. I’m thinking of transferring to UH._

_Wow, wow, Monkey, Monkey calm down...you are not going anywhere. Look at me, Grace look at me._

_Danno_ _..._

_I’m fine, I’m ok baby and I will be ok. I’m not alone in Hawaii, your brother is there, Tani, Lou, your mom. I wasn’t kidding, I’m stronger than you think I am and your Uncle Steve, he is going to come back eventually. He, he is confused baby, he needs to clear his head, he didn’t have a normal mom to teach him how to love and being love, his dad sent him away when he was still learning how to be his own person. Can you imagine how hard that must have been for your Uncle, and still he became this wonderful person who was ready to die for the people he loves. We all have our limits Monkey, your uncle reached his, he just needs to reset, and he will come back._

_To you?_

_To his Ohana, to me, to you too Gracie. He loves you, you know that he loves you like you were his. In his own twisted mind, he is fulfilling his promise to you. You know why I got kidnapped?, because some evil lady had a vendetta against your Uncle, she wanted to hurt him badly and she used me to do it. I’m pretty sure the idiot thinks he is protecting me by staying away._

_I don’t want you to be alone Dad._

_I’m not my darling, I’m not, I’ll be fine, I promise. So no more of that nonsense about transferring. If when you finish med school you decide to go back to_ _Hawaii,_ _we can talk about it, but not before. I’m proud of you too baby, so proud._

_I love you_ _Danno..._

_Danno_ _loves you more..._

_Now, what about that ice cream..._

Danny calls Steve that night after leaving his daughter at her dorm, Steve answers the phone immediately 

_McGarrett_ _..._

_You were an idiot for leaving me as you did, I was an idiot for not letting you know I was ok with you going on your mighty quest for inner peace or whatever. We were both idiots, this is me, compromising. End of the statement._

_Danno_ _..._

_Uh...yeah..._ _its_ _me...don’t you have caller ID or something...you know_ _McGarrett_ _I thought I was bad with technology but you..._

_I’m sorry…_

_I’m sorry to_ _babe_ _._

_Danno…are_ _we…are we good?_

_Yes you goof, we are good, we are good._

_I miss you._

_I miss you too. Now_ _go little seal, go conquer the world,_ _be happy and be safe ok._

_I love you…_

_I love you to_ _buddy_ _._

Danny ends the call and sends Steve one picture of him and Grace, with their faces covered in chocolate ice cream. 

The day Danny arrives in Hawaii after his trip and sees Charlie running directly into his arms is the day he realizes he is finally home, his soul and his love belong to Steve, they will always belong to Steve but his heart is there, with his kid, with the people waiting for him with open arms and big smiles, in Hawaii. 

Work with 5-0 is as crazy as ever. The Governor talks to him two weeks after his return to the office. She offers him a promotion to Captain and the reigns of the task force. He wants to decline, he doesn’t feel young enough or crazy enough to do the job, the Governor doesn’t buy any of his bullshit, handles him the papers to sign and assigns him a new case immediately. He buys a brand new Camaro the same day and he promises himself that he will be the only one driving the car, at least until McGarrett is back. 

They rotate partners, nobody can phantom the idea of replacing Steve as Danny’s partner. He likes working with Quinn the most, the woman is a menace but the good kind. He is right about Lincoln, the guy is a crazier, younger version of McGarrett but at least he keeps his grenades away from the Camaro. He learns to live for the little blessings. 

Danny starts therapy as soon as he returns to Hawaii. They talk about his feelings toward Steve but mostly they talk about his PTSD. His therapist helps him to stay grounded and to focus on the important things in his life, like his kids, his friends, and his job. He helps him to confront his survivor's guilt, for Grace, for Matty, for Joana. He makes him understand that life is worth living. 

He decides to let his house go, making the McGarrets home his permanent residence. After a heartfelt conversation, a couple of beers and a long list with more pros than cons Junior decides to move in with Tani. Leaving Danny alone in a house full of ghosts and memories. So, he talks with his accountant, makes sure he has enough money to secure his and his kids' future and with the rest of his savings he starts remodeling Steve’s house. 

He doesn’t mention his little plan to McGarrett, who cares what the dude thinks, the guy left 6 months ago running away from the demons embedded between those walls anyway, so according to Danny’s logic, he is performing a public service by remodeling the damn place. It will be really awkward if Steve returns to Hawaii with pretty and deadly Agent Rollins by his side only to find Danny being master and commander of the house but what the hell, they will cross that bridge when it happens. 

Rachel’s mom gets sick by the beginning of the school year, she asks for a leave of absence at her job and leaves Charlie with him for the time being. It’s a dream come true. He still misses Steve like crazy, but having his son with him is the best medicine to ease his mind. 

He keeps going with the project of remodeling the house. Charlie helps him picking up paint colors for the walls, greens, yellows, and blues, because why not. They give away all the furniture including John McGarrett’s desk, especially John McGarrett’s desk, Steve can yell at him all he wants when he returns, but the desk and all its memories need to go asap. 

He keeps the Marquis, because he is not a total bastard and because for an inexplicable reason Charlie loves the freaking car. One afternoon when he is feeling particularly nostalgic, he drives it to Kamekona’s shrimp truck, leaves the keys in the ignition, gives Nahele a big, big hug and tells him “ _its all your_ _s_ _kiddo_ ”. 

They have a nice party one week before Christmas with the whole Ohana, at the house which at the time is half painted and half a mess, just perfect. The party is a total success with too many bad jokes and too much eggnog. Danny gifts every single one of them a picture of the complete Ohana as a Christmas present, nobody comments on how incomplete that picture looks. He sends the same picture to Steve. 

Grace arrives the day before Christmas. They finish hanging the last Christmas ornaments on the house in record time, including the four stockings by the chimney. They spent Christmas Eve surfing, playing at the beach with Eddie, watching holiday movies and eating cookies. The next day Charlie wakes up to find a new set of video games waiting for him under the tree. Gracie gets a new computer and Danny finds an Amazon package waiting for him at the door. When he opens it he finds a brand new camera, the best on the market attached is a note that says, “To save new memories, with love S”. The fucking bastard. He leaves Charlie with Grace, runs to the beach and cries, tears of hope. 

His therapist suggests him to find a new hobby; as if photography, cooking like a Master Chef (thank you very much), writing a journal, fighting for survival every fucking day, babysitting every single crazy element spawn from the Navy, raising an eight year old oh and growing bonsais were not enough activities to keep him and his messy mind occupied. So after the holidays Danny decides to enroll on a carpentry class where he meets new friends, flirts a little or maybe a lot, shows some of his muscles sanding a table in just his jeans and his very white, very tight tank top and learns how to make all the chairs that are currently occupying the space of his living room. They are simple and sturdy with a little bit of décor for flashing purposes exactly just like him. He takes tons, and tons of pictures of them, and send some to Steve. Danny doesn’t tell his friend he made them; Steve never asks. 

One year after Steve’s departure Junior proposes to Tani, she says yes. According to Danny insanity must be a mandatory trait to be a SEAL but when Junes asks him to be his best man, Danny couldn’t be happier. That night he sends a picture of his tuxedo to Steve, he got a heart eyes emoticon in response. He would need to tailor the suit, too big by the waist, too narrow in the shoulders, maybe his mom was right about the chubby cheeks. 

The kids get married on a beautiful July afternoon at the beach behind the house now known as the Williams residence with their full ohana as witnesses. They laugh, they dance, they sing romantic and stupid songs at the top of their lungs, they cry and they make way too many cheesy and embarrassing toasts to love, to friendships, to the ones there to the ones missing. Danny takes pictures…lots and lots of pictures, his plan is to make an album with all of them, his present to the kids along with the tickets to their honeymoon in Vermont. When everybody leaves the party almost at dawn, Danny takes a Longboard from the fridge and makes his own toast, with the sunrise as his only companion. “To Steve, I hope you find what you are looking for babe”. 

Danny meets a very pretty lady at the doggy park while he walks Eddie. Her name is Paula, he asks this time, he learned his lesson. Paula is a dentist, with beautiful Asian features that remind him of Kono. She is funny and witty and so no like Rachel or Gaby or Melissa or even Joana. She is 37 years old, likes to dance, to read trashy romance novels and knows Krav Maga. They go to dinner to a little Italian bistro and they kiss on the first date. She tastes like carbonara and tiramisu. They sleep together three dates later. Their first time is at the kitchen table, he was feeling adventurous plus he wants to know if the table he built with his own hands will hold under pressure, it does. She is impressed by Danny’s body and she doesn’t mind his collection of scars. Sex was amazing and Danny thinks he is a lucky guy. 

To everybody’s surprise, Danny starts hiking with Charlie. Unlike his Danno, Charlie loves nature, and Danny who can’t deny his son anything starts this little tradition of exploring the island every weekend. It works like a charm Charlie falls in love even more with his hometown and Danno takes pictures; pictures that later he sends to Steve just as a friendly reminder of what he is missing. 

When Danny sends Steve a video of him and Charlie making the “I love you” symbol with their hands with Steve’s favorite petroglyphs in the background, Steve calls him immediately. Danny doesn’t say anything when he notices the tears on his friend’s eyes. 

After the famous video Steve starts calling Danny more often, they even start having skype sessions, for the first time in months. McGarrett looks good, healthy, with more soft edges instead of hard muscle, his hair is longer, and he is sporting a full caveman beard. Danny pretends to hate the beard, so they bicker back and forth about Steve’s facial hair for more than an hour. Danny is secretly in love with the beard. 

They don’t talk about anything 5-0 related nor about Danny’s dating life. Danny doesn’t ask about a possible arrival date either about why Catherine is not in any of Steve’s pictures from the past two months. Instead, Danny shows him his best photos, talks about Grace’s adventures at college and makes his case on how Charlie is definitely not a mini version of him. “The kid likes camping Steven, camping. Stop laughing you animal, I blame you for that”, Steve listens, only listens. 

_How are you Danno?_

_Happy to see you babe, just happy to see you._

_Me too…_

Danny gets shot, again, saving a little girl from getting kidnap by her stepfather. At least this time he gets shot in the arm instead of the chest, what is with the criminals of this Island and their creepy obsession with his chest? When he wakes up, he finds a loyalty card from the hospital on his bedside table, courtesy of his favorite nurse. 

Steve’s video calls him the same day he is released from the hospital. Aneurism face number 3 makes a special guest appearance. 

_It_ _was a through a_ _nd_ _through, I_ _don’t even_ _gonna_ _need PT, I’m fine Steven, stop with the face already._

_I wasn’t there._

_No, you weren’t babe_ _._

_I’m sorry_

_Not your fault, not your fault._

Steve doesn’t call him in almost a month instead the Commander sends multiple emails and texts to the rest of the task force asking them for updates on Danny’s “condition” and questioning their skills to keep “his partner” safe and alive. Steve keeps nagging Danny’s team until one day Lou can’t take it anymore and gives his boss an ultimatum. “Williams…Control y-o-u-r dog…” its clear to Danny, Lou is not talking about Eddie… 

Later that day Danny sends Steve a video of him kicking ass at his boxing training class, beating the crap out of a dude at least twice his size. 

_See babe, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Now be a good boy and behave, stop harassing the team, what is the matter with you? Neanderthal._

And life goes by and along the lines, Danny Williams realizes he is happy, almost two years after Steve’s departure he is totally, completely and utterly happy. 

He is finally ok with the fact that Hawaii is home, totally ok with the fact that this pineapple infested hell hole stole his heart, with the fact he isn’t planning on leaving any time soon, maybe never. Jersey will always be his hometown, his first love, but he belongs to Hawaii since the day he meets Steve even more now that his friend isn’t there. 

He feels this need to protect his home, his people, Steve’s home, Steve’s people until his return and even after. It gives him the purpose he was missing and he embraces it with pure joy. 

He is also ok with the fact that he is in love, totally, completely and utterly in love with Steve, probably have been for a long time. He is not afraid anymore. Tani told him some time ago that he was the most important person in Steve’s world, well, guess what, today Danny Williams can say that Steve McGarrett is the most important person in his world too. He is ready to wait for Steve, he has done it for 2 years, he can do it for as long as it takes. 

Danny takes the day off to “commemorate” the second anniversary of the day he named “the day we both were idiots” aka “the day Steve left”. Charlie is with Rachel; she is back from her trip to England and wants to recover time with her son. 

He puts a six-pack in the cooler, changes into his swim trunks, the red with yellow ones, the ones Steve once told him make his ass look great, takes his surfboard out of the garage, grabs the pizza box and walks to the beach to start with his day. His plan is simple, surf a little because surfing reminds him to Steve, play a little ball with Eddie, maybe take some pictures, the light is particularly good that day and then he will seat on his chair like a vegetable to eat pizza and get happily drunk, maybe he will cry a little because why not. He is doing better, he is doing great, but he can let himself wallow a little in self pity and nostalgia once in a while. 

The waves are amazing, Danny has become a great surfer and despite all his complaints, he loves it. he has been in the water for almost an hour, so he doesn’t notice when a lone figure dressed in old jeans and a ratty Navy t-shirt seats by the beach to watch him surf in awe from afar. 

It’s been almost two hours when Danny decides enough is enough and goes back to shore, he almost trips over his board when he sees Steve playing with Eddie…as tall and handsome as he remembers him. 

_MotherF_ _…_ _why_ _are you are here_ _? What are you doing here?_

_Danno…_

_Oh no…don't Danno me, don’t….when…_

_Three hours ago_ _,_ _I came_ _straight_ _from the airport…._

_You should have called, I would_ _have picked_ _you up…_

_I…I wanted to surprise_ _you…so…surprise?_

_Surprise, surprise, what are you…five…_ _?_

Danny closes the distance between them and engulfs Steve into the biggest hug on the history of hugs then he punches him right in the jaw because he still has a mean right hook. Steve recovers quickly and traps Danny in another embrace. 

_I’m here Danno…I’m really here_ _,_ _I’m back_ _, I’m back_ _…_

_That was for leaving me_ _behind when you knew I couldn’t follow._

_I know..I was an asshole…_

_Probably, but not the point._ _I didn’t make it easy for you. I’m sorry._

_Danno…_

_It took me a while, but I understand why you had to leave. I’m sorry that one of the reasons was your need to protect me._

_Danny,_ _you have no idea..._ _if I..._ _if_ _I lost you_ _…_

_Oh babe…Believe me, I know the feeling. I landed a plane at the_ _freaking_ _beach remember_ _, we have the matching scars and everything._ _Steven look at me, look at me, I will always, always, always fight with all I_ _got_ _to come back to you…always…I found my way that awful day and I will do it again, and again and again. My plan is to grow old and grumpy with you, watching sunsets and drinking beer. Even if you don’t like my plan_ _,_ _I will do everything in my power to_ _stick to_ _my end of the bargain_ _._

_Danno…_

_I love you man, I love you like crazy, you are my best friend, my partner, my soulmate,_ _along with my kids you are the person I care most in the world,_ _all I want is for you to be happy, if right here right now your happiness is with me, I’m in, you have me. If one day you wake up feeling lost again if once again you have to leave everything behind including me to find your happiness do it, don’t hesitate, I will be here, right here waiting for you, for another two years or three or ten or for a lifetime it doesn’t matter because I know that at the end you will come back to me._

 _Always Danno…I will always come back to you…always._

_Come on, let’s go inside, you must be jet lagged…I bought a very nice and comfy bed for the guest room, I’m sure you will love it._

_The guest room?_

_Do you prefer the couch? It’s new too, but I can assure you the bed is better…_

_What about my bedroom_ _?_

_Oh, babe, you lost the rights to your bedroom like a year and a half ago…_

_Maybe if I’m nice can we…I don’t know maybe…maybe share it._

_Oh Steven, Steven… after 12 years you_ _should_ _know I’m not that kind of boy, you have to be more than nice..much more than just nice..I’m talking about expensive dinners without forgetting your wallet and grand gestures like letting me drive my car. Use your imagination Army boy._

_It’s that a challenge Captain…_

_What do you think Commander…_

And just like that Danny’s life is complete, no more missing parts, no more worries, no more longing. 

Later they will talk about feelings and peace and sharing beds. About how much in love with each other they are, about future plans and retirement, about how much Steve wants to test the sturdiness of “their” new kitchen table, about how much he loves what Danny did with the house, how bright it looks, how it finally feels like home. 

Later they will talk about all those things and more but now at that precise moment, looking at Steve’s hazel eyes the only thing that matters to Danny is that neither of them is lost anymore, they found their way, they found what they were looking for, they found each other, end of the statement. 


End file.
